Her fans are learning much more about her upbringing and Jennifer Lopez isn’t holding back. The multi-hyphenate singer’s Halftime documentary is currently available on Netflix, and aside from her grips about performing for the Super Bowl’s halftime show, Lopez is also delivering revelations about her childhood.

In a candid moment, Lopez and her mother, Guadalupe Rodríguez, spoke about their rough, and often abusive, relationship.

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“She did what she had to do to survive, and it made her strong, but it also made her tough,” Lopez said. “She beat the sh*t out of us.” The award-winner added that her mother is a “super complicated person,” but Lopez recognized that Rodriguez was doing all that she could so that she wouldn’t have to be dependent on any man.

At 18, Lopez left home following an explosive argument with her mother. According to Lopez, Rodriguez told her that if she lived under her roof, she would have to continue her education and that wasn’t in the teen’s plans.

“I was far from the perfect mother. The one thing I can always say, everything I did, I did with their best interest at heart,” said Rodriguez. “I always had the highest expectations of them. It wasn’t to be critical. It was only to show you that you could do better. And Jennifer, she gave me the hardest time, to tell you the truth. We butted heads a lot.”

It was just a few years after leaving home that Lopez was booked as a Fly Girl on In Living Color after auditioning for Rosie Perez. It was a gig that changed her life.